SAY HELLO, AND WAVE GOODBYE

Dear people I like, love and care for,

I started this blog as a reaction. I was accused of being two-faced for having questions, maybe not even believing like I once did. Since I wasn't letting people in on my personal struggles, I was accused of being deceitful, posing as a certain kind of Mormon, but really not being that person. That accusation hurt, so I reacted to it, went to the other side of the spectrum, and decided to be as open about myself as possible by starting this blog. I had no desire to be deceitful. My questions were personal, but in this world where people post every aspect of their life on Facebook, being personal is equated with lying. How sad.

My wife asked me an important question before I began posting on the blog. She asked me if I was trying to write in order to hurt the faith of others, or if I was writing to really be honest and present myself. I appreciate that question because I was in a painful place when I first started writing and I could have taken this blog in a different direction. I have tried to stay true to my original resolve that I am writing to express my questions and personal struggle with the intent to listen and interact with readers. Sometimes I fail. I apologize if I have. Of course, failure is a part of me, so even that is truthful.

Thus far on this blog I have described what others call my 'faith crisis'. This was something I described as a 'place without a name'. I've written about the pivotal theological struggle that brought me to my major doubt concerning LDS theology - the life of Eli and what our vicarious works say about God. The discussion that followed was a wonderful experience, but it made me see that I was not in a place to confirm the conservative LDS position represented by the comments of faithful LDS people. Nonetheless, I decided to continue to present, be honest, and explain my strife. So I kept writing: Mormons as Christians, Book of Mormon, Violence, Marriage, Polygamy, and The Book of Abraham. In each discussion I find myself on the other side of the aisle in respects to the LDS position.

Additionally, I started to become so distracted by these discussions that I lost track of studying and reading what really makes me happy. The posts with the most traffic and discussion are those focused on LDS issues, while what I really love - Jesus' parables - get little to no foot traffic. That's okay because I know that people are probably not that interested in reading notes on Dominic Crossan's insights to the parables of Jesus. But that's what I love. In short, I'm done with presenting the issues that brought me to my faith crisis and I want to get back to what I love.

I have a few drafts lined up for future posts revolving around LDS subjects: The First Vision, The Three Degrees of Glory, the Temples and Masons, and Trinitarian vs. LDS versions of the Godhead. But these topics have become more of a labor than an enjoyment. This blog is about opening myself up so that people can see what I struggle with in LDS theology and history. I've done that sufficiently. I'm ready to move on.

Say hello, and wave goodbye.

I wave goodbye to spending so much time on LDS issues that quite frankly, just make me angry and are draining. I wave goodbye to a church that helped me grow into who I am, and for that I am thankful. I wave goodbye to a church that thinks the world for 1800 years of history was void of God's authority to come unto Christ, despite the pleads of the people and the promise of God (Matt. 7:7-11; 16:18). I wave goodbye to the social pressure and cultural expectation of declaring 'I know' about everything to do with church, God, and scripture. I am no longer enchanted by the doctored history and theology presented at church, nor am I convinced that the LDS Church is a more accurate representation of the early Church or the teachings of Jesus than the rest of Christendom. I do not say this with the spirit of degrading Mormonism, simply to say, it’s time for me to move on. So, thank you for a good thirty years, fun youth dances, spiritual upliftment, direction, and wonderful people. Goodbye.

I'm saying hello to the parables, Church history and theology, Greek, unrestrained reading, acceptance of women as my equals in ministry, homosexuals as worthy children of God, and trained church leadership. I'm saying hello to an extremely challenging world that needs more bridges of acceptance than walls of doctrine, dogma, and worries over 'worthiness'. I even say hello to evolution. I am saying hello to a God I don't know, who is mysterious to my imperfect mind and I can admit that and think that's okay. I am saying hello to a faith greater than when I started, wherein the grace of God is more powerful than what I can ever do or not do. I'm saying hello to a Jewish peasant, who taught the Mosaic Law, proclaimed the kingdom, and died on the cross. I say hello to a hope, yes, a hope, that through that man we all can hope in the resurrection and the redemption of creation. Hello.

What do I do now? I continue to search, ponder and pray. I will continue to write on the blog. Sometimes the topic may be something to do with the LDS Church, but certainly not as frequently. I reiterate, I am not mad at the LDS Church. I thank it for the many positive aspects of its influence on my life. But this blog is about being honest and open. So here I am, and it's time for me to look forward in a new direction.

Say hello, and wave goodbye.

Search Ponder Pray Repeat