BEST SONG TO ENDUCE PARENTAL GUILT? "I AM A CHILD OF GOD"

WARNING: You are about to read a post in which Travis attempts to be humorous. There are very few people in the world that understand Travis' sense of humor or actually think it's funny. In fact, he is still trying to find those people. If "I am a Child of God" is indeed your favorite song, this may ruin it for you, but if you've ever been a parent, you may relate.

Parenting is extremely hard. It doesn't help when your childrens' favorite song reminds you of how much you fall short of being that ideal parent. The song is "I am a Child of God," a song children in the LDS church learn very early. For this to make sense you will have to imagine a child singing this song with their parent as the audience. The words in italics are the lyrics to the song and the parenthetical statements are a possible interpetation. Enjoy.

I am a child of God,
(declarative statement enforcing the divinity of your child, like they need the help.)
And He has sent me here
(It wasn't your kid's choice to have you as a parent. God sent them here. They're stuck with you.)
Has given me an earthly home
(wait for it...)
With parents kind and dear.
(BAM! If that statement were only true! It's like the kid is looking at you remembering how you lost your cool just one hour ago and saying, "Yeah, you're suppose to be kind and nice. Now, go hide in a hole.")

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me
(This is actually a very confusing line for parents, especially Dad's. Do you want me to be in front of you, or trying to locate heaven on a mall map? And if I'm suppose to walk beside you than would you please stop running away!?! Can I use a leash?)
Help me find the way
(I can't even get you to pee in the toilet let alone help you find 'the way.' And by the time you're actually needing my help you'll be a teenager, which just means that you'll not only look at me like I'm unkind, but tell me so.)
Teach me all that I must do
(Let's start with the toilet. Once you can remember to point down, then we'll talk theology.)
To live with Him someday
(Don't worry kid, you'll make it.)

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