A SLAVE WOMAN'S PRAYER (1816)

A SLAVE WOMAN'S PRAYER (1816)

{Stephen Hays}

O Lord, bless my master. When he calls upon thee to damn his soul, do not hear him, do not hear him, but hear me - save him - make him know he is wicked, and he will pray to thee.

I am afraid, O Lord, I have wished him bad wishes in my heart - keep me from wishing him bad - though he whips me and beats me sore, tell me of my sins, and make me pray more to thee - make me more glad for what thou hast done for me, a poor [N]egro.

James Melvin Washington, Conversations with God: Two Centuries of Prayers by African Americans, (New York, NY: Harper Collins Publishers), 1994.

A PRAYER FOR THE ABOLITION OF SLAVERY

A PRAYER FOR THE ABOLITION OF SLAVERY (1813)
George Lawrence

And, O! thou father of the universe and disposer of events, thou that called from a dark and formless mass this fair system of nature, and created thy sons and daughters to bask in the golden streams and rivulets contained therein; this day we have convened under thy divine auspices, it's not to celebrate a political festivity, or the achievement of arms by which the blood of thousands were spilt, contaminating thy pure fields with human gore! but to commemorate a period brought to light by thy wise counsel, who stayed the hand of merciless power; and with hearts expanded with gratitude for thy providences, inundated in the sea of thy mercies, we farther crave thy fostering care. O! wilt thou crush that power that still holds thousands of our brethren in bondage, and let the sea of thy wisdom wash its very dust from off the face of the earth; let Liberty unfurl her banners, Freedom and Justice reign triumphant in the world, universally.



James Melvin Washington, Conversations with God: Two Centuries of Prayers by African Americans, (New York, NY: Harper Collins Publishers), 1994.

Jane Manning: Your Humble and Eternal Servant

Jane Elizabeth Manning James was born September 22, 1822 in Fairfield County, Conneticut. She was born a free woman, certainly a precious status to anyone that could already see the precursors of civil war. She became a member of the LDS church in 1841, and  in 1843 traveled with her family to the meeting place of the saints, Nauvoo, Illinois. In describing her journey to Nauvoo, Jane said, "Our feet cracked open and bled until you could see the whole prints of our feet with blood on the ground." How sweet it must have felt to also record this precious memory: "Brother Joseph sat down by me and said, 'God bless you. You are among friends.'" Both lines are a testament to Jane's faith and will to endure, characteristics she shared with fellow LDS pioneers. No doubt, she felt honored to live in the same home as the Smith family.

Joseph Smith was killed on June 27, 1844, giving Jane approximately one year to enjoy the presence of the prophet of the restoration. Soon, Jane was back on the trail headed west, becoming the first recorded African-American woman to enter the Utah territory in 1847. She had eight children with her husband, Isaac James, who eventually left her in 1869. Maybe it was the departure of her husband that reminded Jane of the finitude of life and  the terminality of our familial relationships. All around her fellow members of the church entered into sacred covenants to ensure that in the next life they would be together as a family forever. She, a faithful Mormon, who traversed the plains and left her fair share of blood on the rocky soil, wanted what her fellow saints had - the surety that she would be with her children in the next life.

Jane petitioned the church leaders to allow her, a black woman, receive the sacred endowment and be sealed to a worthy man. Jane approached Walker Lewis, a black man who was ordained an Elder under the leadership of Joseph Smith. Jane hoped that Lewis, being an Elder, would be considered worthy to go through the temple, and that she and her children could be sealed to Lewis, ensuring their survival as a family for the rest of eternity. Her requests were repeatedly denied.

Jane's first husband died in 1891, breaking open a once forgotten avenue for her family's eternal unity. She remembered Emma Smith, the wife of the prophet, who told her that she could be sealed to the Smith family as one of their children. Through adoption Jane could connect herself to a priesthood holder, the prophet, and ensure her eternal welfare. Jane sought to take advantage of the invitation for eternal adoption into the Smith family. Her request was denied.

Instead, the First Presidency of the LDS church devised a unique alternative to adoption. Jane could be sealed to Joseph Smith as his servant.The church would create a special ceremony for just that purpose. This special ceremony that bound Jane to the prophet for time and all eternity took place on May 18, 1894. Joseph F. Smith represented Joseph Smith as his proxy during the ceremony. Bathsheba W. Smith stood in place for Jane. Jane was not allowed to participate in her own, specially made, sacred ceremony because of the color of her skin and the associated LDS teachings of the time. Even alive, Jane would only know of the sweetness of the sealing power of the temple through proxy.

Jane was dissatisfied with the ceremony, but further petitions fell on deaf ears. Jane lived the rest of her life in Salt Lake City, UT. She was eventually let in the temple to perform baptisms for the dead. Near the end of her life Jane wrote, "And I want to say right here that my faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter‑day Saints is as strong today–nay it is if possible stronger–than it was the day I was first baptized. I pay my tithes and offerings, keep the Word of Wisdom. I go to bed early and arise early. I try in my feeble way to set a good example to all."

Jane died April 16, 1908.

On-Line Source Material

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Elizabeth_Manning_James.

http://mormonthink.com/blackweb.htm#servant.

http://www.utlm.org/onlinebooks/changech10a.htm.

http://www.blacklds.org/manning.

http://signaturebookslibrary.org/?p=438. (On-line book, Neither White Nor Black) 

I MAKE THE WORST APOSTATE

Tonight I went out with my friends. I went to a strip club, had a few drinks. Okay, I had more than a few drinks. It was really the shots of vodka that got me ... relaxed. I went out with money in my wallet but I think I left most of it in the thong of a topless woman. 


I drove home drunk. I stumbled into the door when my wife opened it for me after pounding on it incessantly. I then threw up on the carpet. My wife started cleaning up my vomit and so I kicked her in the butt and made her fall over. I laughed as I stumbled down the hall to my bed where I passed out.

Actually, none of that's true. I didn't go out with friends and I most certainly didn't go to a strip club. I didn't drink, I didn't bang on the door or even throw up. I didn't hit my wife or pass out on the bed.

Can I tell you what I really did?

I started the evening off with my youngest child, who was tired and ready for bed. I took my youngest into his room, put his pajamas on, rocked him till his eyes struggled to stay open, then gently placed him in his crib, all the while singing 'Amazing Grace.'

After wishing my youngest a peaceful night's sleep, I spent the early part of the evening with my three oldest children at the high school soccer field. We ran back and forth on the field, kicking the ball in the net and watching each other do cartwheels. We cheered for each other when we scored a goal or made a descent cartwheel. Even I joined in the fun, showing off my amazing cartwheeling talent (Ha!). There happened to be a baseball game in progress next door to the soccer fields. So after our intense soccer match and some competitive cartwheeling, I bought the kids slushies from the concession stand and we watched a little bit of America's past time.

When we got back from the soccer field the kids put on their pajamas and went to bed while I took a shower, changed my clothes and headed out to the bookstore. I took with me my history books, a note pad and a pen. For roughly two hours I read in the coffee shop at the bookstore. I will admit, the aroma and ambiance of the coffee shop worked its magic on me and I couldn't resist buying myself a little sinful treat for the ride home ... yep, a frozen hot chocolate. It sounds like a contradiction, but it is so yummy.

On my ride home I thought about the upcoming weekend. I am manning a booth to promote a tobacco free lifestyle at a PFLAG conference on Saturday. It dawned on me though that the community kitchen that serves the homeless recently finished remodeling their kitchen. This means that my two oldest children and I can return to serving lunch on Saturdays. My mind began to work out a strategy to squeeze in just one hour away from the conference to take my kids to the newly remodeled kitchen and help serve lunch. It's going to be tough but my oldest won't stop talking about it. She will be so excited.

I'm home now. I'll go to bed soon. I may read a little bit more or just go to sleep. I've left my Bible open to Isaiah, so maybe I'll step in my study to continue reading about the suffering servant.

I always thought that a life away from the church would be a little bit more ... dangerous ... risky ... maybe even a little bit more evil. There were so many testimony meetings where I would hear people say things like, "If it wasn't for the church, I would be a horrible person." I'm just not finding that to be the case.

I guess I just stink at this apostate stuff. I tried coffee before and I don't like it. In April I went to New Orleans for a conference and tried a beer and sampled a few drinks. It's nasty and all alcohol is overrated on both sides of the aisle. I'm too poor for a strip club and I have no desire to go in one anyway. My wife is too amazing a person to ever hit, nor do I have a desire to hit another human being. I always imagined that apostates were mean, violent and behaved like the selfish criminals of the nightly news. Could I be wrong?

I guess I make the worst apostate.

Search Ponder Pray Repeat

FASCINATION TO EXCESS AND THE SONS OF PERDITION

The departure from Mormonism includes a roller coaster of emotions. Leaving is a long process of grief, anger, confusion and all the emotions in between. Just to make it even more exciting, one does not simply progress from one stage to the next as if in a set sequence. No, it truly is a mixture of painful sensations. There are points when you are so sure that it is time to walk away, but then, in a moment of doubt, you second guess yourself and keep trying to make it - the church, it's teachings, its history - work.  You throw in the towel on occasions to only then pick it up and try again. You try and make yourself live in the tension of your personal beliefs and recent insights to LDS history, and the teachings of the church, hoping that through endurance the dissonance will find resolution.

I remember so many times saying to myself, "I can make this work. It's not that bad, just don't think about it." The "it" being my personal disagreement with LDS theology, the white-washed history, and the feeling of being horribly alone. But, you try to endure and make it work. This period of trying to make it work is best described with an analogy. Imagine listening to two violins play the same piece of music at the same time. One of the violins is tuned just a hair flat and the other, a hair sharp. The dissonance never resolves. The entire tune is characterized by the tension between the two violins in disharmony. So goes the struggle to find a way to make it work when faced with the historical and theological conundrums of the LDS church. There is nothing more than constant dissonance. The human being was never meant to live in such tension. It brings depression and utter madness. We  are creatures of harmony, therefore the dissonance must resolve. Leaving, over time, brings harmony.

As time has created a sense of distance, I have now entered a new phase of my ex-mormonism/post-mormonism/apostate-ness. I am in this place of utter fascination with Mormonism. LDS history is absolutely amazing. The Journal of Discourse, for example, is jaw dropping. It is absolutely fascinating. It all just goes on and on: the alterations of the Temple ceremony, the second anointing, blood atonement, the Council of Fifty, the Anointed Quorum, etc. It's all just so fascinating. Even the Book of Mormon has come full circle in a way; it was once treasured scripture for me, then I loathed it, and now it is absolutely fascinating. I study it now with more focus and rigor than I did as an active member.

Do you notice that I use the word 'fascinating' to excess? Yeah, its the word that just falls out of my mouth as I read church history. It's that word always ready to leave my lips as I learn something new they didn't tell me in Sunday School.

Please note, the more I read and learn about Mormonism the more at peace I am with moving on. I have an immense sensation of calmness in knowing I don't have to ignore or defend those parts of LDS history intentionally left out of church manuals. Instead, it's there waiting for exploration. I'm not associated with the icky parts of LDS history. The history is no longer automatically 'anti,' and therefore discarded. Instead, it's nothing more than history without a personal ideology to create a predisposition to throw it away when it makes me feel uncomfortable.  I don't have to defend it or claim it as my own. There is a healthy space now between me with my personal beliefs, and the history and contemporary practices of the LDS church. I can look on in curiosity.

For example, when I first learned that Joseph Smith repeatedly committed polyandry, I was flabbergasted, hurt, and enraged. The man I loved and called my prophet did what? I would have called it anti-Mormon lies, but then it turns out to be true. When learning this I was so entirely crushed. It was at a time when I was searching Mormonism with such intentionality for something to hold on to and something that would help me stay in. As you can imagine (and evidenced by a previous post) it didn't work out that way.

Now, I am hungry to learn more. I am no longer filled with a sense of disgust and betrayal. I am now reading with eyes wide open and find it all so wonderfully ... fascinating. I will admit that there are moments of frustration. There are moments when I sit in disbelief that the institution claiming such a God-inspired history/theology doesn't feel comfortable sharing all of that history/theology with its members. Then I remind myself that it's no longer my institution, I smile, and I keep reading. I return to a place of harmony within myself where there is space between me, my identity and the LDS church.

It turns out, I'm not the only one who has struggled with their Mormon heritage.

I recently discovered an awe-inspiring group of people that struggle with finding harmony as they emerge from  the confines of a different bread of Mormonism. Jennilyn Merten and Tyler Measom recently released The Sons Of Perdition. This documentary follows the journey of a few young men who have either left the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints or who were kicked out. I've decided that I want to bring this documentary to Oklahoma for a viewing, so I'll post again when I can make that happen. I figure, I can't be the only one fascinated.

www.sonsofperditionthemovie.com

I would highly recommend listening to the interview of Merten and Measom concerning the documentary. Their insight on the struggles these boys face as they leave Mormonism draws the listener into a foreign world that sits right on the boarder of Arizona and Utah. It gives some perspective on the struggle of leaving the Fundamentalist LDS faith. It also makes me excited to see the film and yet brings me to tears to hear of these boys' struggles to find identity, meaning and place.

Interview of Merten and Measom

Here's another book for the wish list: Bhattacharya's Secrets and Wives: The Hidden World of Mormon Polygamy. In addition, Bhattacharya produced a documentary in 2006 focused on the hunt for Warren Jeff, the leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Bhattacharya's Documentary: The Man with 80 Wives

Interview of Bhattacharya

Search Ponder Pray Repeat

THE MORMON CANDIDATE

I recently learned of a BBC special focused on Mitt Romney and Mormonism which aired in March 2012. John Sweeney investigates the front runner for the GOP, focusing on the public perception of Romney's Mormonism and its possible negative effects on his pursuit for the presidency.

It is important to note that Sweeney does not attempt to present an expose of Mormon history, theology, and culture. His intent, as I understand it, is to try and explain why certain people question Mitt Romney as a viable candidate for the presidency based on his religious beliefs. The film investigates some of the concerns people have of Mormonism in general and the prospect of having a Mormon president. So, please don't expect a presentation that focuses solely on the more uplifting aspects of Mormonism. His intent is focused on trying to explain why many Americans are weary of a Mormon president, so the content of the film centers on the ex-Mormons and outsiders' perspective. And while some may feel that the skeptic nervousness that some have about a Mormon president is unfair and unfounded, I invite those who feel this way to listen with an empathetic heart to the words spoken and topics discussed. I think you will find many hurt people who left Mormonism  and who really need ministry more than rebuttal.

At one point in the documentary Sweeney discusses the American culture's unspoken rule - No open discussion of a candidates religion. I am grateful to live in a nation that does not require a religious test for presidency, yet I am also grateful for a country that encourages open dialogue. I hope we can break the unspoken rule and I post this link, not as an attack on Mormonism, but as a window into the hearts and minds of people who have left the LDS Church; a window into the souls of the Mormon lost sheep. What an incredible opportunity for active LDS people to learn about those they are to shepherd.

The Mormon Candidate.

Search Ponder Pray Repeat

ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOTE

In 'The Mormon Candidate,' Sweeney makes mention of his investigation of Scientology. His investigative report on Scientology is absolutely fascinating, so I include a link to this report for those that are curious. Absolutely. Fascinating.

Panorama: The Secrets of Scientology

ON THE CARE AND FEEDING OF ENEMIES

I would like to offer a video of a good friend of mine from seminary who challenged me to think deeply on the Sermon on the Mount. It was brave of you, Matt, to speak prophetically. Thank you.

http://desposyni.blogspot.com/2012/05/on-care-and-feeding-of-enemies-sermon.html.